While men are often perplexed about what women want, women are often having a girl talk with their friends about what men want.
Men are not nearly as complicated as women when it comes to what they want in relationships. After interviewing hundreds of men to find out what men really want in a relationship, the answers are quite promising.
Men of the past were very much like hunters: they knew what they wanted, chased after it, and once they got what they wanted, were content to be the provider and spend evenings on the couch, reading the paper or watching the telly.
Now I may be over-simplifying, but you get the overall picture. Men today have evolved somewhat. Not all, but most! There’s still ‘the slouch’, who doesn’t make much of an effort after he has won over the woman he desired.
There’s also ‘the jerk’, who is driven by his ego and regards a woman as his property.He is often concerned mostly about his own needs, demanding respect and can also become violent when he doesn’t get his way.
The third category is the man most women seek but are not quite sure he actually exists. Good news ladies, not only do they exist, but they are everywhere! Real men.
They are confident, independent, self-assured, kind and generous. They are loving, very respectful and are seeking women of quality. These are men who are seeking a deep connection with one woman.
They want to share their lives with someone in a meaningful way. (If a man falls into category 1 or 2 i.e. a slouch or a jerk, he will vehemently disagree…beware.)
So what do real men want in a relationship? A real man has a lot to offer a woman and he wants to feel that his woman respects him.
It might be the most important criteria to win his heart. He wants to know that you admire and appreciate him. When he takes you out to dinner to a really great restaurant, do you thank him and compliment him on his choice?
Or do you complain that the waiter was a bit too slow? Do you take it as your right to be treated to a fine meal or do you actually appreciate his efforts?
Do you respect who he is, what he believes in and what he does for a living or are you trying to change him into what you would like him to be?
Showing respect does not mean you have to gush false compliments. A real man will see right through that. A quality woman wants to be respected and recognised for who she is. So does a real man. So make sure you look for his best qualities and your compliments are genuine.
Only after he knows that he has your respect, do the other criteria come into play. He wants your support and your loyalty. He wants companionship.
He also wants to be nurtured (not babied) and lastly but still vital on the list, he wants passion and excitement. Both men and women remain fully engaged in a relationship when both partners are actively contributing to the relationship.
Both feel elevated and inspired to keep doing more to keep the sense of aliveness we all feel at the start of any new relationship.
So when it comes down to basics, a real man wants what any of us desire. Relationships are about a mutual exchange of energy.
We give and we take – both ways. That way, both people feel supported, loved, respected and desired. Always ask yourself what you have to offer in a relationship and then ask for that in return – nothing more and nothing less.
It is especially when I sit down with a matchmaking client that I find we are all very aware of what we want. We have a long list of what he/she should look like, dress like, talk like, we are clear about what we want our future partner to value and that they should be financially well-off and emotionally strong and a good conversationalist. All that while looking like they just stepped out of a magazine.
Perhaps we need to take a moment to find out what our partner wants; what makes them happy or sad, what they most value in life and what their dreams for the future are.
So while we seek to be understood, let’s also make the effort to understand the other person. That way you know whether this is the right person for you upfront instead of trying to change them later.
Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker. For more information, visit www.nextlevelup.co.za